Ferris Bueller's Day Off... does NOT live up.

 

Everyone's a critic.

Jess and I didn't love this movie as much as our teenage selves did... and you can listen to our Live UP podcast episode to hear all the reasons why (see below!). 

Instead, let's talk about why Ferris Bueller's Day Off wouldn't work anymore (because of outdated technology), and provide practical modern day solutions for today's teens.... Because how could you possibly be expected to handle school on a day like this? 

1. Convince your parents you are too sick for school

1986 Version - Ferris stays in bed and licks his hands to make them seem "clammy", which works on his oblivious parents and never ever worked again after this movie came out. "Clammy" isn't a symptom of anything ever, and modern day parents have Web MD**. No fever, no vomiting? You're going to school.

2023 Version - Tell your parents you feel achy and your throat is a little sore... but you're sure it's fine. You heard one of your classmates/teammates/kids you hang out with just had a positive Covid test, but you only sat next to them for a few minutes. It would be too soon to test positive anyway. It's probably fine.

2. Convince your school admin that you are legitimately out sick 

1986 Version - Ferris uses his primitive computer to hack into the school and change his attendance record. He also personally calls in later when he and Cameron are doing the double landline gag on the Dean. None of this would work anymore due to the school's network security, and basic caller ID. 

2023 Version - You might have to play the long game here. If you can get your personal cell phone number into the school database as the emergency contact (as early as freshman year), then you can intercept the call from the school verifying your whereabouts. 

3. Convince the whole school (and town) that you are dying

1986 Version - Ferris takes a few calls from classmates and uses his pre-programmed (not Casio?) keyboard to make coughing and vomiting noises in the background. Not the best use of this technology, but very 1986. The gossip mill takes it from there, and Ferris lets rumors take care of the rest.

2023 Version - Your fake virus has to go viral. Get creative. Can you post an IG of an IV? Can you make a Tik Tok video that looks like the POV of being wheeled on a gurney through a hospital? Can you humble brag this fake situation...  "They said it's the highest fever they've ever seen, but I'm barely sweating.

Listen to Jess and I complain about land lines and how the plot of Ferris Bueller's Day Off would never work in the age of cell phones here:

**Actually, Web MD would likely diagnose "clammy" as cancer.